I Miss Your Colorful Circle In Our Shared Google Doc

Do you still have that link I shared with you and only you?

The Belladonna. February 2019.


A Note To Ringo Starr From The Association Of Octopus Gardeners

We squirted a day’s worth of ink to write you this letter, so we do hope you listen.

Weekly Humorist. February 2019.


Other Definitions of “Wintry Mix”

When your nose is running and someone else’s nose is running and you kiss.

The New Yorker. January 2019.


Notes on ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’

Instead of “Rudolph,” try calling him Dave Reindeer, a talented yet isolated writer who has been estranged from his family for the past 17 years.

The New York Times. December 2018.


I Came Back as a Cockroach and Everything is Perfect Now

I even found love with a fellow roach who shares my same taste in repurposed food waste and reclaimed architectural design.

Weekly Humorist. November 2018.


An Art Historian Surveys My Periods

Red Period, Conceptual Period, and more creative outpourings

The Belladonna. August 2018. 


An Unemployed Person (Who's Not Bitter At All) Writes A Job Recruiter's Job Description

You’ll thrive in this position if you love exclamation points and draining people of every last drop of hope.

McSweeney's. August 2018. 


How to Have a Happy Relationship Even Though You're Not Dating Mister Rogers

Is it possible to love someone who doesn’t whimsically toss their shoe from one hand to the other while singing a beautiful song?

Points In Case. June 2018. 


Hey Mankind, I’m the Earth and I Think It’s Time You Started Seeing Other Planets

Before you came around I was a hot mess with no life, but now the stress of this relationship is killing me.

The Belladonna. April 2018. 

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The Daily Itinerary of an Apple

Just out here living my best life. 

The Belladonna. January 2018. 


Submissions Are Open for the Fall Issue of ‘Apocalyptic Parent’

Our theme this year is: How do you explain to your kids what fall was?

The Belladonna. November 2017. 


I'm a Beautiful Goose and You're a Fool If You Don't Take My Picture

I said you may take my photo, now.

The Belladonna. October 2017. 

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Ask Your Doctor If Working From Home Is Right for You 

Comes in both AM and All-Day Extra Strength. 

The Belladonna. September 2017.